3.10.08

How to Lie on your Resume

Professional Experience:

- Won the 24th Ainsworth Annual Broccolli Eating Contest

- Appearance in the studio audience for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". Helped contestant on the customary "Ask The Audience" question. Accounted for 1/50 of the overall vote. Answered question correctly.

- Dated, for two years, the present 1st lady of Andorra.


Personal Notes:

- Born on the same day as Scarlett Johansson, the 22th of November 1984.

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30.9.08

The Doctor

I'm sitting at a café, drinking a cup of black tea, noir, when someone behind me lets out a deathlike scream. AHHIR! I look behind me and notice instead that it was a scream of life. A woman having a baby!

Her water has broke in the café! I think to myself, "Is it me? Or is nobody helping this poor woman?" I look around and realize I'm alone, "it isn't just me, it's a fact." I wake up from my stupor and dial the ambulence on my mobile phone. The woman is still shrieking, and notices me:

- Get my husband! He's a doctor! -

By the time I am finished calling the ambulence, a crowd has gathered round the poor woman, but the referred husband doesn't seem to have arrived. I have no idea how to deliver a baby, but I am drawn near the crowd. The cry of the distressed woman is still piercing through the hubbub:

- Please, my husband... He knows what to do! -

I mill about, waiting to see what happens. Finally the husband shows up, although less the five minutes have gone by. He arrives with an authoratitive air, exclaiming:

- Move aside, quick! I'm a dermatologist! -

It turns out the baby grew up to have clean and hydrated pores.

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